19 Reasons why I love my Uncle Ed, and why you should too.

1. He lounges in his white underwear and t-shirt until the wee hours of the morning.
2. He laughs at extremely inappropriate moments, i.e. when people get hurt on TV, when something bad happens to someone on TV, basically when anything that is bad happens…on TV.
3. He also laughs at and is non-erotically intrigued by nudity, on TV.
4. He thinks his computer is trying to trick him during computer chess games, and would love to discuss it with you at length.
5. You can never convince him that Bigfoot isn’t real.
6. He never uses the word shit unless he is talking about the size of a swallow’s bowel movement.
7. He tries to get me a date with the local Mormon missionaries.
8. He buys juice in bulk.
9. He likes unnecessary cooking gadgets such as a rotisserie or a portable radiation cooker.
10. When he eats he packs it into his cheeks like he is preparing for a long winter.
11. His favorite joke is to put an ice pack on my back or to put a stuffed animal spider on my pillow. He does this 3 times a week, and laughs hard every time.
12. While watching a sex scene from “Y Tu Mama Tambien” he asked, “Is this what young people do when their parents aren’t home?”
13. He is a firm believer in the lottery and doesn’t understand that there is an element of chance associated with buying a lottery ticket. Therefore getting extremely mad when he doesn’t win. This happens a lot.
14. He tells me a really random piece of information that I know nothing about and then asks me to clarify. I.e. “Katy, KFC has stopped treating their chicken with a hormone that helps preserve the meat and now I see bruises on my chicken. Why would they do that?”
15. He is one man and he has three computers.
16. His friend Tom calls almost every day at 15-minute intervals for 2 hours, even when he is told my Uncle isn’t home.
17. When modeling new clothes or a new haircut for me, he spins so I can get the full effect.
18. His interest in Internet porn is limited strictly to the fact that you can get it for free, on the Internet.
19. He has now started wearing suspenders for function, Amen to that.